Tucker Bradley Nielson

{I wrote the following about a month after he died}

Tucker was my next door neighbor growing up. I've known him for about 17 years. He was always such a big guy and so fun to be around. He was quite a little troublemaker, but as he grew up, his heart grew bigger. I never met someone who loved as many people as he did. He was kind to everyone and would stand up for anyone who was being picked on. People loved Tucker. He drew people in and made them feel important. He cared about those around him and after just meeting someone, he would do anything for them. 

Whenever I saw Tuck, he was always there with open arms and a warm smile. I don't know a single person on the earth who could give better hugs than Tucker could. He could always make me feel better too. There's just something about him that just wipes away any of my daily troubles. 

Tucker had a bad addiction. Drugs took over his life. They bound him tight and wouldn't let him go. I talked to Tucker a few times about this and about what he believed. I remember spending one night in his car for 3 or 4 hours just talking about life and who God was. He knew he had a problem, but didn't know the way out. 

On Friday mornning, May 28th 2010, Tucker took his own life. I don't know why, but I think a lot of it had to do with his addiction. 

I feel horrible because a week previous to this, I had heard Tucker calling after his dog in the backyard and I thought about going to say hey and talk with him, but I didn't. I just kept walking inside. That was the last time I heard him. It is something I will always regret. I always think "what if"? What if I had been a better friend for him? What if I had gone to talk to him that day? Would I have been able to make him feel wanted and needed?  I can ask all these questions and I can hurt myself thinking about them. The truth is, no one could have done anything. Tucker made up his mind. 

I don't want to remember Tucker as the person I described in the last couple paragraphs. He was not that person to me. He was much more than that. A man with a heart the size of Jupiter and an appetite almost as big. A man who brightened everyone's day. A man who knew God lived and Jesus suffered for him, but did not understand everything. Then again, no one does. He was someone who looked after his friends, and his family. He stood up for others and let everyone into his heart. 

I love you Tuck. I'll miss you. 'Till we meet again....